Righteousness through faith

"Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law, no one will be justified." - Galatians 2:16
"... in order that I might be found in Him, not having a righteousnesss of my OWN that comes for the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith." -Phil 3:9
"For what does Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness." Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due. And to the one who does not work but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness." - Romans 4:3-5
"Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law, but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.... I do not set set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died in vain." - Galatians 4:16, 21
We are not righteous because we obey the law, We are righteous because we live by faith. We believe that Jesus paid our debt and abolished sin and death. Through His sacrifice, we are free from sin and thus are clean and righteous. We continue to walk in faith: we continue to believe that, through Christ, we are free and blameless. And that's what righteousness through faith means: our faith in Jesus Christ makes us righteous.

A Christian...

What does it mean to be a Christian? Being a Christian doesn't mean going to church every Sunday. A Christian isn't defined by how often they pray or how many verses the memorize. You aren't a Christina just because you lead worship or pray in tongues or prophecy.
All these things are important when it comes to Christianity. It doesn't make you a Christian.
To be a Christian means to be saved by grace. To be a Christian means to live by faith. To be a Christian means to have a hope. To be a Christian means to love. Extravagantly. Passiontely. Unconditionally. But most of all, to be a Christian means to follow Christ.
Too many people call themseves Christians, but don't actually live it out. Too many people have let the world influence them. They are no longer a light to the world, but have conformed to the world. Instead of being transformed by the renewing of their mind, they are just part of the crowd. And it breaks my heart. The world "Christian" has been slowly twisted. And I don't want to be known as that kind of person.
When I say "I am a Christian," I don't want peple to think of those people who are always preaching at them. When I say "I am a Christian," I don't want people be reminded of those who say one thing, but do another. When I say "I am a Christian," I want people to think of those who love unconditionally, serve selflessly, give and don't hold back. The ones who are trustworthy and faithful. Those who smile and laugh often, no matter their circumstances.
Be like Jesus. He loves unconditionally, even when we don't love him back. Even when we sin, He still forgives us. Even when we turn from Him, He is still faithful.
Love. Love is our greatest weapon; love is the key to salvation; love is all you need; love is the highest way. If the church were to love passionately, deeply, wholeheartedly, unconditionally, the world would change. Too often the church shows love only to other churches, and homeless fatherless people. But we must also show love to the world. To the stranger who cusses you out. To the driver who cuts you off. To the soccer player who intentionally hurts you. To the snob who judges your outfit. To the player who whistles at you as you walk past. To the person taking forever in line. To the salesperson who rips you off. To the friend who deserts you. To the cashier who messes up. To the abortionists. To the murderers. To the sex trafficers. To the theives. To the witches. These are the people who need love the most. Love did not only come for the lovely, but for the broken too. Healing did not come for the healthy, but to the sick. Use love as a weapon. "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, an if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." -Proverbs 25:21-22 Love the world. Love the haters. Love the broken, Love the lonely. Love the sinners. Pray for those who persecute you. You can try to hate sinners, but its not going to help. Jesus loves the sinners, but He does not love the sin. He desires for every soul to come to the knowledge of truth and be saved. Read 1 Corinthians 13. And believe me, I'm saying this as much to every Christian as I am to myself. I need to work on this as much as anyone else. But let us Christians be known by our love and our willingness to follow Jesus. Let us reflect Him in everything we do. Let us bring honor and glory to His name by our actions and words. This is what it means to be a Christian. To be like Jesus.

Perfect love casts out fear

"Perfect love casts out fear." I used to be scared. My biggest fear was I would worry about whether or not people liked me. What they thought about me. Whether they really wanted to be my friend. I was always so careful of what I said or did. I couldn't love extravagantly because I was always afraid that they wouldn't love me back. It took time to overcome that fear. I was always afraid of giving everything because I was afraid of being hurt. Over time, I realized that I couldn't live like that. I prayed daily for the Lord to give me His heart. I prayed that He would remove my fear. I prayed tat He would give me an overflow of His love. And I still do. And He does. I no longer have fear of rejection, because I know I will always be rejected sometime or another. As a Christian, I will always be hated, despised, rejected. But I know I always have a home in Jesus. I know He is always there waiting for me with open arms. So I don't have to be afraid. "Perfect love casts out fear."

TRUE Love...

Love isn't about finding the right person. It's about BEING the right person. Love isn't about finding the person who agrees with everything you say and do. It's about setting your differences aside and accepting them as they are. Love isn't about physical beauty, but it's about the beauty of the heart. Love is laying down your pride and saying you were wrong, whether you think you were or not. Love is about asking for AND extending forgiveness. Love isn't about looking at the other person and asking what they need to fix, but it's about looking at YOURSELF and asking what you need to fix. Love is honesty, openness, and trust. Love is talking through differences or disagreements with grace and truth. Love is about cherishing every moment together, whether good or bad, because whether good or bad, you are together. Love is about making the best of what you have. Love isn't just about living "for better, for richer in health," but it's also enduring through the "for worse, for poorer, in sickness." Love is when nothing is perfect, but you still want and need to have that person by your side, Love isn't a burst of flame that dies within a few years. Love is a warm fire than must be continually nurtured and cared for. Love is gold that has endured the test of time, been purified through times of tribulation, refined through times of joy, and has come out real, perfect, and strong. Love is about putting the other before yourself, and putting God before both of you. Love is about living a life for the Lord and doing your best to reflect His love for us. Love is a sacrifice. Love is a gift. Love is unconditional.

The Law vs. Grace

The Law of the Old Testament is a list of rules and commandments. A child of God had to pay restitution or penance for their sin. They had to follow the commandments and be righteous and obedient. Life then for children of the Lord was all about rules and religion, rather than in intimate relationship with Christ.

Christ died for us, and therefore, we are now free from the law of sin and death. Life for a Christian now is all about believing in the Lord's grace and love. We have a relationship with Him. He has forgiven us from our sins. We can always run to Him when we are hurting, confused or worried.

So, now that Jesus abolished death and established a new law, do we stop living by the Law of the Old Testament? We are no longer under the law, but we abide in Christ. Christ followed God, thus we follow God. Even Jesus broke the Sabbath and the Law. However, He said, "I have not come to abolish the Law; I have come to FULFILL it." Christ IS the fulfillment of the Law. So what Law do we follow then? "So whatever you wish that others would do for you, do also to them, for this is the Law and prophets." Basically, we no longer need to follow the Law, but abide in love. "Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love IS the fulfilling of the law." We no longer have to worry about rules and restitution, but grow deeper in our relationship with the Lord, following Him because we love Him. "If you love Me, you will obey My commandments." "For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Grace

"What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?" - Romans 6:1-2 "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another." - Galatians 5:13
These verses say it all. Some Christians may think, "I am free from the wages of sin; Christ paid my debt on the cross. I can sin all I want now, because I am a Cristian and God is gracious, therefore He will forgive me." May it not be so! If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, then do just that: follow Jesus Christ. Don't use grace as an opportunity to sin. Jesus called us to a life of freedom, hope, love, and faith. Not just a life of sin. We must set an example to the rest of the world, not fall back into their ways.
Romans 6:15 "What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you  not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey: either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?

A Historical Fiction about a boy and a girl in love. :)

It was a hot summer in Sparta Greece, summer of 479 B.C. Anthony had grown accustomed to the heat. And the cold. And pain in general. It was all part of his training. He was a Spartan warrior now and the army was going to march against the Persians in just a few days. He was going to have to leave his friends, his family… and Alexandria. Suddenly distracted, he looked up from his work. Staring into the distance, a figure moving towards him caught his eye. Anthony smiled. It was as if she could read his thoughts from afar. Setting down his work, he strode over to meet her, rejoicing in the fact that she, Alexandria, the most beautiful of young women, loved him, Anthony, the best of the new recruits. He flashed her a smile, but he could instantly tell that something was wrong.

What could be wrong? Maybe her training is hard. Maybe caring for her mother is stressful. Maybe— 

“Hello Anthony.” Alexandria’s voice shattered his thoughts as she tried to smile past the pain in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Anthony asked, his voice laced with concern. Anthony’s heart broke any time she was upset. Sometimes, he was sure he felt the pain deeper than she did.

Alexandria glanced down at the ground, and then past him, trying to blink away the tears. “Do you remember my mom’s newborn baby?”

Anthony felt panic slam into his gut. He swallowed hard, dread creeping into his soul. “Yeah.” He replied, afraid to hear the news.

Alexandria looked down again. “When he got put through trial…” she looked up at him, “He didn’t pass.”
Anthony’s breath left him. Alexandria had been so excited about her newborn little brother. Even before he was born, she always spoke of him. Having a family of girls, she’d always wanted a little brother. She’d been nervous about the test once he’d been born. Unfortunately, worrying didn’t change anything. Her newborn brother was now dead. When a Spartan boy was born, he was tested to see if he was strong enough to endure. If he was weak, he would be cast out, left to die. Those who survived the test, left their homes at age 7 to start their training as a warrior. They were trained to endure cold, heat, hunger, and pain. Stealing. Spartan warriors were the toughest, meanest, strongest in all of Greece. They were fierce…like their training. But some didn’t even make it there.

“I’m sorry.” Anthony said, finally finding his voice.

A tear rolled down Alexandria’s face.

“I’m so sorry.” Anthony was at a loss for words.

Alexandria broke down crying. Anthony reached out and pulled her close, holder her as she wept. Finally, she pulled back.

“I’m sorry.” She said wiping large tears from her eyes.

Anthony stroked her hair affectionately. “You still have your family.” He said, trying to encourage her.

She looked up at him. “And you.” She said, smiling.

Anthony grinned. “And me.”

She suddenly frowned, and Anthony knew exactly what she was thinking. As a new warrior, his first battle was looming.

Anthony changed the subject before it could come up. “How is your training going?”

Alexandria shrugged and smiled. “It’s going well. I’m a little sore. It’s exhausting.”

Although not as harsh as the boy’s training, the girls of Sparta also received athletic training,.

Anthony grinned. “I bet you’re great.”

Alexandria blushed.

“Anthony!” a voice interrupted.

Anthony turned. “Yeah.” Visibly upset, he tried to at least sound respectful.

“Get back to work! We are at war!” obviously this person had authority over Anthony.

Anthony sighed and turned back to Alexandria. “I have to go.” He said.

Alexandria looked up at him, her big green eyes full of concern. “I’m scared.”

He grinned. “Don’t be. We’re going to win this war. And when I have the money, we are getting married.”

She smiled and blushed. “I love you.” She said, unable to say anything else and yet not needing to either.

“I love you too.” He said. He leaned down and kissed her gently. “I have to go now.”

Alexandria nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. She smiled, touched his cheek affectionately, then turned
and walked away.

Anthony watched her leave, and knowing that half of his heart was going with her. “We are going to win this war.” He said to himself. He knew he would fight his best, because he was trained to fight his best. Because he believed in the freedom of Greece. And because he had the most wonderful woman standing by his side.

Mexico

Guess what. I'm going to Mexico after I graduate!!! :D I'm soooo excited. One of my friends, Seth, is a missionary in Mexico, and back in fall of 2009, he came and spoke at my youth group about Mexico and his life down there. At that point, I really wanted to go to Mexico also. Then, in the summer of 2010 my youth group and I went on a youth retreat, called Plunge. He was one of my leaders. I got to know him better and hear more about Mexico. I decided that I would go on a mission trip to Mexico if the opportunity ever presented itself. But, it never did. What I had in mind was one mission trip: a week or two. But that's not what God had in mind. Seth came back in the summer of 2011 and spoke again of Mexico. As you know, I decided not to go to college. But I was wondering what I should do with my life. After Seth spoke, I knew what I was going to do. The Lord told me to go to Mexico. :) For how long, I don't know. Maybe a year or two. Maybe my whole life. I don't even know when I'm going to Mexico. It may be right after I graduate, it may be several years. But I'm super excited. And you know what's even cooler? The Lord told my BEST FRIEND to go to Mexico also!!!! And neither of us knew that the other was going! Or even thinking of going!! wow. God is sooo good. :) So that's it then. My and my best friend are going to Mexico together by the grace of God. :) hallelujah!!!!

May the Fourth be with you....

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't written in a long time. I've been super busy. Anyway, yesterday was May 4th, also my best friend's birthday. She is now 17. =) She is gorgeous and I love her. Anyway, yesterday evening, Chick-fil-a was having a fundraiser for boys in Cambodia. Basically, if you ate at chick-fil-a on state line and said that you were with TrafficJam, 20% of that money would go to help build a shelter for the Cambodian boys. Our whole youth group went. It was a blast. And then a couple of my friends and I walked to Target to buy my best friend a birthday present. Anyway, yesterday was a good day. :) hopefully we win our soccer game today... bye!

Isaih 64

Oh, that You would rend the heavens! That You would come down! That the mountains might shake at Your presence-as fire burns brushwood, as fire causes water to boil-To make Your name know to Your adversaries, that the nations may tremble at Your presence. When You did awesome things for which we did not look, You came down; the mountains shook at Your presence. For since the beginning of the world, men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, who acts for the one who waits for him. You meet him who rejoices and does righteousness, who remembers You in Your ways. You are indeed angry, for we have sinned- in these ways we continue; and we need to be saved. But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. There is no one who calls on Your name, who stirs himself up to take hold of You, for You have hidden Your face from us, and have consumed us because of our iniquities. But now, O Lord, YOU are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are work of Your hand. Do not be furious, O Lord, nor remember iniquity forever; indeed, please look - we all are Your people! Your holy cities are a wilderness. Zion is a wilderness, Jerusalem a desolation. Our holy and beautiful temple, where our fathers praised You, is burned up with Fire; And all our pleasant things are laid waste. Will You restrain Yourself because of these things, O Lord? Will You hold Your peace, and afflict us very severely?

The Circle Trilogy

Ted Dekker is one of my favorite authors. He vividly shows the difference between good and evil, and the battle between the two. Some of my favorite books by him are the Circle Trilogy: Black, Red, and White. Sometimes, I find myself wishing this world was more like his novels, where men and women go into battle against the Horde, where the Forest Guard dance at night to celebrate Elyon's love for them, where the Great Romance is celebrated, where love is thick in the air, where there is no shame in displays of affection. The mean are encouraged to "woo, pursue, protect, cherish" women they have fallen in love with. People as young as 17 fall in love and get married. Of course, this IS fiction. But why just fiction? "Love" has lost much of its meaning, its power. "Until death due us part" now usually means "until I don't want to anymore." Why are so many guys too "cool" to show their love? Why do so many guys put on a tough act instead of telling girls how they really feel? Nowadays, if guys are affectionate towards girls they are friend with, people take it as "flirting" or "playing with her heart." Sadly, most of the time, that is true. Why? God is love. Of course, love means respecting the girl, but showing her affection nonetheless. I'm not saying guys need to be perfect; they are human. And I'm sure girls mess up plenty of times to. But basically what I'm trying to say is: don't be afraid to love, to show your love. "You never lose by loving. You only lose by holding back."-Barbara De Angelis "It's a kiss without any shame. Something beautiful." there is a song that reminds me of what I'm trying to say. It's called "Love Like Crazy." Here are some of the lyrics: "They called them crazy when they started out. Said 17's too young to know what loves about. They've been together 58 years now. That's crazy. He brought home 67 bucks a week. Bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple street, where she blessed him with 6 more mouths to feed. That's crazy. Just ask him how he did it, he'll say, "Pull up a seat. It'll only take a minute to tell you everything: be a best friend tell the truth and overuse "i love you." Go to work, do your best, never outsmart your common sense, never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy... Always treat your woman like a lady. Never get to old to call her 'baby'. Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy."

(Elyon = Yahweh)
(the Great Romance = Elyon's love for his children.)
(Forest Guard = the people who guard the forest they live in)

Song of my heart (one of them)

This song kinda speaks for itself. :)

"Here we are, gathered in Your presence to seek Your face and worship only You, only You.

"Here we are, lost in ecstasy as we seek Your face and worship only You, only You.

"I'm longing, I'm yearning, and I'm running after You, my God. I love you wholeheartedly, but show me how to love You more."

yeah

Sometimes I ramble. I'm sorry.

The Lord is faithful

"Thus says the Lord, 'If the heaven above can be measured, and the foundations of the earth searched out bneath, I will also cast off all the seed of Israel for all that they have done.' says the Lord." Wow! Think about that! None of those things could ever happen! Which means the Lord will never cast us off! Wow. He is so faithful. "For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him. If we endure, we shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will also deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny himself." :) I love these verses. Even in my own life, I have seen the Lord's faithfulness toward me, and towards others around me. God is good. :)

Kids

" 'Sing, O barren, you who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, you who have not laboured with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman!' says the Lord." I love this verse because, even though I'm not married, and therefore, don't have any kids, I still know many children that I think of as "my kid," just because they are so precious to me. :)

God is good

"Thus says the Lord, 'If the heavens above can be measured, and the foundations of the earth searched out beneath, I will also cast off all the seed of Israel for all that they have done.' says the Lord." Wow! Think about that! Non of things can EVER happen! Which means the Lord will never cast us off! wow. The Lord is so faithful! "For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him. If we endure, we shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will also deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself." :) I love these verses. Even in my own life I have seen the Lord's faithfulness towards me and towards others around me. God is so good. :)

God is Gracious

God is gracious. No one deserves to be loved by Him. Yet He still does. He loves us so much, no matter what we've done. He longs for us to get to know Him better. He loves to love us. The Lord "desires for all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." My heart is His, and my heart longs for this too, because my God is a gracious. I long for every heart to know the truth of His unconditional, forgiving, saving, purifying, reviving, strong, beautiful, gracious love.

The world

I spoke of burden the other day. I think I mostly spoke of my burden for the church and the passive, lost Christians. Well that's only half of it. Actually, He gave me a burden for the whole world. Sometimes it's so strong all I can do is weep. Other times, it leaves me so exhausted I can't cry or even pray. it hurts. So much of the wold is corrupted. So much of the world is blind to the truth. So much of the world is full of immorality. My heart breaks for the world, for the lost, the blind, the passive, the sinners, the broken, the deaf, the murderers, the thieves, the idolaters. I long for everyone to come to the Lord. I desire that not a single soul would go to hell. But so many people are not shown the true love of the Lord. Oh Lord, that You would rend the heavens and come down! Lord bring hope where there is none. Lord break in where there is no way. My heart breaks as I am writing this. Even know, I am weeping. The Lord longs for everyone to be saved. But so often, I feel completely helpless. But I know prayers are powerful. I just have to keep praying, keep loving. Declare the wonderful things the Lord has done for me.

College. ;)

So, I've decided that I don't want to go to college. It was a really stressful decision because, I'm kinda smart. That's what I'm told anyway. But, I know God's given me this gift, and I don't want to throw it away by not getting a better education. Of course, there are many ways I can exercise this gift of intelligence, but going to college and pursue a good job seems the best way, right? But here's the thing: time and money. College is at least 4 years long. Longer depending on the career you're pursuing. Also, eventually I'm going to get married, and will have to quit school and a job to raise my family. Also, money is important; you need it to support yourself. But college is so expensive. Also, my family is in debt right now, and I want to help pay it off, not be broke all the time. I want to live life, not be tied down by school. So, I'm planning on not going to college. But, everyone is different. If I were a guy I would go to college, cause I would be the one supporting a family. But I'm not. :)

aunt-to-be.......

So, some pretty important news... my sister is engaged!!! OMG!!! that means, in a few years, I will be an aunt!!! I've been waiting my whole LIFE for this moment!! :) but, I'm really excited for them. They love each other a lot, and they go to the same college, and our families live in the same city, and it's good. :) Aren't weddings beautiful? And babies perfect? Who would ever want to abort a baby. sick. Anyway, my sis is engaged. :) yay!!!!!! my little bro will have a big brother now! :) I'm happy. :) God is good. :) :) :)

Random Things About Me. :)

My name is Jenny Melina Herman.  I am a junior and I am 15 years old. I love animals, I love nature, and I love playing soccer. I love playing pretty much any sport. I wish I could take ballet. I love riding horses. I love having adventures. I love swimming and climbing trees. I took piano lessons for about 6 years. I wish I could play the guitar. I love science. I don't really like math. My favorite seasons are spring, fall, summer, and then winter. I am a deep person. My favorite color is purple. I love dresses. I love basketball shorts. I love hoodies and boots. I love dangly, sparkly or colorful earrings. I love worshiping my God, Creator, Father and Savior. My favorite music artists are Hillsong, Phil Wickham, Taylor Swift, Owl City, Skillet, Josh Groban. I love dancing for my King. My love language is physical touch. I want a Dodge Ram 1500. I want anywhere between 5 - 13 kids. I love singing. My favorite Bible verse is Psalm 46:4.

-Jenny

true love and prom dresses

Sometimes, to find the right prom dress, you have to look for hours and hours. And your feet hurt, and you are frustrated and hungry, and just want to give up. And most likely, you will find dresses that fit you, and that you like, but they are not really the one for you. So, what do you do? Don't worry, and keep looking! And then... you see it. The perfect dress! Well.... almost. But after you try it on, you know that it is the perfect one for you. And after prom, you love it even more.

Well.. that's how it is sometimes, when you find the one you are going to marry. Many times, you may not find them as soon as you would like, and sometimes, it may take, what seems to you, a looongggg time for you to finally find that one person that you will spend forever with. But don't worry. Even if it does take a while, you will learn things about yourself along the way. And you will grow., and sometimes you get attached to someone, but they end up not being the one, and you have to let them go and keep looking.  But when you DO find that one person..... :) Cherish him/her. This is a once in a lifetime chance. And you will spend the rest of your life with that person. And your love for each other will grow as you learn more about each other and spend more time with each other. Of course, this person may not be completely perfect, but love isn't about finding a perfect person to love. It's about finding a person that you can love perfectly. So don't worry if you don't find that person right away. You still have the rest of your life! yay! Spend it with God and friends, not worrying about who you are going to marry. Be wise. Be pure. Think. Never act to quickly. And never give up on love. This goes for before and after you are married.

Jesus is the ultimate prom dress. And... the only price on Him, is you faith. Are you willing to give Him everything? He's worth it. :)

Note: This is not an English paper. Sorry if it's not perfect. But I'm human. And I'm not perfect. :)

Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all these things will be added to you. This is my testimony.

 This verse is true. This is my testimony.

Last year, my sophomore year, I was going through a really rough time in my life. Long story short, I had disconnected my heart from God and put other things first: my friends, money, my future, etc. I started worrying about what my friends thought about me, about how much money I had, about what my future would look like. I began turning to my friends whenever I felt depressed, which was quite often seeing as God wasn't first in my life anymore. But then something strange happened, and even though it sucked, it was beautiful: God drew me into a lonely time. A time where no matter how hard I tried, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel my friend's love for me, or even His love for me. I didn't really care about my life, or my future...... but I knew something was missing. And He stayed there. Right beside me, but... distant..... He never left my side, but He knew that I needed to know that. I started to hunger for something, something deeper, something real, something living. I could no longer turn to my friends, or anything else of this world, and partly out of desperation, partly out of need, I turned to God. I raced toward Him, not knowing what would happen, not knowing what people would, think, but not really caring. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that He could not keep pursuing me if I kept ignoring Him. So He waited until I realized that I needed Him. He held me and never let me go. It took some time to destroy the depression that had seemed to dominate my life. But in time, I fell in love with him again, and He restored to me peace, joy, hope and love. Oh how I desperately needed these things. I needed His peace which surpasses all understanding, I needed His joy instead of my depression and fear, I needed His hope for my future, and I needed His love for Him and my friends. He refilled me with passion. He restored my life. And He was the number one in my life. I put Him above everything else. I turned to Him no matter what. I laid my requests before God, and I cast my cares on Him. Finally, I was able to feel again. To sense the love that came from my friends, and ultimately from Him. I have HOPE for my future. I have PEACE through stressful times. I have JOY in the darkness. I have LOVE for my friends, family and my SAVIOR. I sought God FIRST, and all these things were added to me. THE BIBLE IS REAL! THE BIBLE IS TRUE! THE BIBLE IS HOLY! Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and ALL these things WILL BE ADDED TO YOU!!

This verse is true. This is my testimony.

Seasons

DYING: Autumn is when the world is crucified to me, and I to the world.
DEAD: Winter is when I am washed, purified, sanctified of my sins. Winter is being dead to the world and it's desires.
RISING: Spring is being made new, born again. "You make beautiful things out of the dust."
RUNNING: Summer is burning with passion for the Lord.

A Call to Anguish-David Wilkerson

I suppose I should explain the title of my blog. I listened to a short "sermon" by David Wilkerson. It touched me deeply. And literally changed my life. Here's what he says, "I look at the whole religious scene today and all I see are inventions and ministries of man and flesh. It's mostly powerless. It has no impact on the world. And I see more of the world coming into the church and impacting the church, rather than the church impacting the world. I see the music taking over the house of God. I see entertainment taking over the house of God. Obsession with entertainment in God's house. A hatred of correction and a hatred of reproof. Nobody wants to hear it anymore. Whatever happened to anguish in the house of God? Whatever happened to anguish in the ministry? It's a word you don't hear in this pampered age. You don't hear it. Anguish means extreme pain and distress. The emotions so stirred that it becomes painful. Acute deeply felt inner pain felt because of conditions about you, in you, or around you. Anguish. Deep pain. Deep sorrow. Agony of God's heart. We've held onto our religious rhetoric, and our revival talk, but we've become so passive. All true passion is born out of anguish. All true passion for Christ comes out of a baptism of anguish. You search the scripture and you discover that when God determined to recover a ruined situation, He would share His own anguish for what God saw happening to His own church and to His own people. And he would find a praying man and he would take that man and literally baptize him in anguish. You find it in the book of Nehemiah. Jerusalem is in ruins. How is God going to deal with this? How is God going to restore the ruin? Folks, look at me. Nehemiah was not a preacher. He was a career man. This was a praying man. God FOUND a man who would not just have a flash of emotion, not just some great sudden burst of concern and then let it die. He said, "No. I broke down and I wept. And I mourned and I fasted. And then I began to pray night and day." Why didn't these other men, why didn't they have an answer? Why didn't God use them in restoration. Why didn't they have a word? Because there was no sign of anguish! No weeping! Not a word of prayer! It's all ruin! Does it matter to you today, does it matter to you at all that God's spiritual Jerusalem, the church, is now married to the world?  That there is such a coldness sweeping the land? Closer than that, does it matter about the Jerusalem that's in our own hearts? The sign of ruin that's slowly draining spiritual power and passion? Blind to lukewarmness, blind to the mixture that's creeping in. That's all the devil wants to do: get the fight out of you and kill it! So you won't labor in prayer anymore! You won't weep before God anymore! You can sit and watch television and your family go to hell! Let me just ask you, has what I said convicted you at all? There's a great difference between anguish and concern. Concern is something that begins to interest you. You take interest in a project, or a cause, or a concern, or a need. I want to tell you something I've learned over all my 50 years of preaching, if it is not born in anguish, if it has not been born in the Holy Spirit, where what you saw and heard of the ruin that drove you to your knees, took you down into a baptism of anguish where you began to pray and seek God. I know now. Oh my God do I know it. Until I'm in agony. Until I have been anguished over it. And all our projects, all our ministries, everything we do. Where are the Sunday school teachers that weep over kids they know are not hearing and are going to hell?  You see, a true prayer life begins at the place of anguish. You see, if you set your heart to pray, God's going to come and start sharing His heart with you. Your heart begins to cry out "Oh God Your name is being blasphemed. Holy Spirit is being mocked. The enemy is out trying to destroy the testimony of the Lord's faithfulness, and something has to be done. There's going to be no renewal, no revival, no awakening, until we are willing to let Him once again break us. Folks it's getting late and it's getting serious. Please don't tell me, don't tell me you're concerned when you're spending hours a day in front of Internet or television. Come on. There is nothing the flesh will give you joy. I don't care how much money, I don't care what kind of house, there is absolutely nothing physical that can give you joy. It is only what is accomplished by the Holy Spirit when you obey Him and take on His heart. Build the walls around your family. Build the walls around your own heart. Make you strong and impregnable against the enemy. God that's what we desire."

After I heard this, I got really depressed. Because, it's true. So much of the church, is cold-hearted. So much of the church has let the world impact it. Where did the extravagant love go? What happened to weeping? What happened to longing to be like Jesus? What happened to desiring Him? To desiring to have a heart like His? Where did the Davids go? Men after God's heart? People after God's heart? This left me weeping. Even now I want to break down and cry. So many Christians live their own happy life. So many Christians have become lukewarm. So many Christians don't know what it's like to weep before the Lord, to be broken hearted. And my heart breaks for them. The Lord gave me a burden for the world, that leaves me weeping. I am not continually depressed; I do still have the joy of the Lord. But, there are times when I think about this, and I weep. The Lord gave me a piece of His heart to let me feel this deep agony for the Church and the lost and unsaved. Oh Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. I cannot convey my anguish for the world. I feel like I'm going around in circles, babbling, not making any sense.

Oh Lord, bring passion to the Church. Oh Lord, burn out the impurities. Oh Lord, REND THE HEAVENS AND COME DOWN.

My heart yearns for everyone to be saved. My heart longs for the blind to have open eyes and see the extravagant love of the Creator. My heart aches for the deaf to hear. My heart yearns for the dead to arise and live, for the dry to drown, for the passive to burn. Oh Lord. BREAK IN!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI

Vanity of Vanities...

"Vanity of vanities. All is vanity." So, I had a revelation the other day. Many times in Ecclesiastes, Solomon sounds like he's saying that wisdom is useless, or that wisdom is "vanity." But then you hear many other verses praising wisdom. "In her right hand she holds riches and honor, and in her left, long life." It makes you wonder, what was Solomon thinking?? But I realized, Solomon was wiser than us all.(who knew?) When he was saying that having wisdom is like grasping for the wind, he was not saying that wisdom is vain. Later, he goes on to say, "Wisdom is good with an inheritance." What he's saying is, it is good to be smart and intelligent, to be wise and discerning. We must think before we speak. We must think before we act. It is good to desire wisdom and to "search for her as hidden treasure." The message Solomon was trying to get across is that it is silly to try to uncover all the mysteries of life. It is useless to go deep into philosophy. In the long run, where is that going to get you? We can never comprehend all the mysteries of God. We will never know all his plans and purposes. Even scientists do not know everything. God is a mystery. Yes, be wise and intelligent and discerning. But don't let it get to your head. Wisdom give life to those who have it, but love is even greater. The whole thing may sound like a contradiction. Sometimes it can be hard to put something that deep and confusing onto paper. All I'm trying to say is, be wise, but don't set your heart to know all wisdom for "in much wisdom is much grief." "Though I understand all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing." Everything comes back to love.